Happy Birthday St. Patrick.....St. John Patrick that is.

I member the first time I laid eyes on John Patrick Pullen. You'd member too. It ain't every day you sees a man passed out in'n inner tube on the Georgia coast. I pulls this feller outta the water onto land. He wernt lookin' real good, skin all pale, eyes all red. I said to myself, I says, this feller done got him self all liquered up an' fell in this here inner tube and floated around all night. I says to'em, I says, "Hey bub, whatcha doin' floating round in the At-lantic"? He tries lookin' at me but his eyes kepta just rolling round his head like some one just put a lickin' on his noggin with a canoe oar. So I picks this feller up and put him in the truck and head offta county general.

I stayed at county a spell, seein' if'n he may come round. He ain't got no ID on'em so I figures I can help'm get home if'n he come to. He wakes up after a few hours and starts lookin' round all scared like. I said to'em I says, "Don't be scared man. You got your self all dillied like a pickle last night didncha"? He's lookin at me all cocky eyed like he don't get what I'ma sayin'. I says "What's ya name boss"? He opens his mouth to say suttin and alls I hear is 'I sha shy, sha shy, ukalayli, sha shy'. I says "whoa fella, what in tarnation was that"? I was figurin' at that point he musta swallowed some bad water cuz he wasn't makin' no sense. I went and gots the nurse and told'er this'n here honcho ain't speaking right and they need to check his throat for seaweed or a bottle cap or suttin.

The nurse later told me nutten was wrong with his throat he was just Irish and had an thick ak-cent. I says "Lady that ak-cent must be thicker'n mo-lassie in Feb-roo....Feb-roo....March". I acts where'n he lived and she told me it was lookin' like he done floated that dang ole innertube clean across the ocean from Ire-lind. I says, "So he's an illegal"? She was like "Yuppers". Now I'mma thinkin' to myself what am I gonna do? I rescued some illegal, but he's white and he ain't from mexico. I felt bad for the little dude so once he was up'n bout I decides to take'm home wit me.

I gots Clancy to fix'em up with a fake ID and got him started on speakin' anglish all good and right. Turns out he spoke anglish the whole time I just couldn't make outta dang werd of it. Wouldncha know it, this micks birthday was on St. Patty's Day. Ain't that a hoot. I spect halfa them irish folk are born on that day but I still gets a kick outta it. He ended up gettin' his self inta some high faluttin learnin' place and now he's out makin' a money nuff to put steak in grits every night. Like watchin' on'er yown get all growd up. He don't write or nutthin' but I thinks bout from time to time whens I'mma waitin' in line for my guvment money. That minds me, time to go gets that check. God bless Ameerica!

seeking america

i am looking for an america to love,
an america i can spend the rest of my life with.

i am looking for an america that won’t embarrass me
in front of my friends.

i am looking for an america i can tell my parents about,
one that will make them proud and happy, one that might make up for
all the other americas i brought home in the past.

i am looking for an america i can make quiet love to
in a warm cabin on a cold night.

i am looking for an america that is looking for me

i am looking for an america with a simple past, an america
without serious psychological damage. i have been hurt before.

i am looking for an america that will just hold me sometimes.

i am looking for an america with clean teeth, nice hair, neat clothes
but that shouldn’t be all america cares about.

i am looking for an america that would fuck me happily
in the back seat of my foreign car.

i am looking for an america that makes me laugh again,
out loud and without irony.

i am looking for an america that isn’t jaded or hardened
or through with love.

i am looking for an america i can stand in front of naked
without concern for the possible inadequacies of my genitalia.

i am looking for an america that cares more about family than career.

i am looking for an america that will say nice things about me to others
without being asked or provoked.

i am looking for a quieter america this time.

i am looking for an america that knows how to take care of itself.

i am looking for an america that is fearless in the face of intimacy,
commitment and honesty.

i am looking for an honest america. i am tired of being lied to.

i am looking for an america that will suck my cock because it wants to,
because it wants to make me feel good, not because it feels like it has to.

i am looking for an america that can hold an intelligent conversation
about books, movies, music, religion, politics, the end of the world,
the beginning of us, food, whiskey, mans capacity for love, man’s innate greed,
partiarchy, anarchy, the hierarchy of angels, buddha, death in all its forms, love in all its depths, economic inequities, the plight of education, the tao, the mysteries of modern science, sex, christ’s golden rule.

i am looking for an america with long arms and deep pockets, a generous america.

i am looking for an america that wants to take a hand in raising our children,
that wants to be involved in the entirety of their lives.

i am looking for an america that is willing to experiment, to try new things.

i am looking for an america that isn’t boring.

i am looking for an america that will call me sometimes for no good reason,
that will admit to being as lonely as we all are so often.

i am looking for an america that won’t force me to shave, or dress differently, or drink less, or stop smoking, or sleep more, or cry at the right places in movies. but you can ask nicely if you want america.

i am looking for an america that is not afraid to be sexy now and then.

i am looking for an america that doesn’t need anything from me but me.

i am looking for an america i can trust, one that won’t cheat on me,
or steal from me.

i am looking for an america that isn’t afraid to be looked at closely
but maybe one that blushes just a little.

i am looking for an america that appreciates my work.

i am looking for an america that remembers the right moments
and can remind me of them when i need it most.

i am looking for an america i can settle down with, grow old with, an america
who’s arms i can die in.