And so the Grand Jeebus proclaimed onto the like minded:
To understand who you are you must first realize what you are not. Like a test you should eliminate all those answers that make no sense and eventually you will end up at the answer. The answer may only be worth partial credit or ultimately incorrect but you thought it was right and you were trying your best. Therefore, you need to eliminate what you are not to find out who you are. Here's some examples of things you should know you are not:
You are not an SSN, ID#, ACCT NUM, (D), (R), or even (I). You are not defined by SATs, MCATs, IQ, A's, B's, C's, D's, F's, a BA, a BS, a BS in BS, MD or PHD. You are not your EXT #. You are not 550 poor, 650 fair, 750 good or 850 excellent. You are not @ anywhere and you are most certainly not (your name)64521. Your d.o.b. is not nearly as important as what you do before you r.i.p. You are not p.c. or your PC. You are not living A.D. You are not always awake in the A.M. or catching Z's in the P.M. You are not ADD, HIV, AIDS, MS, or that ruptured L2. You are not an SUV, BMW, H2 or H3. You are not (555).
It's o.k. to not be these things because you aren't them. So who are you? Start with this:
U r u.
U = I.
=.
Showing posts with label blessings and counterspells. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessings and counterspells. Show all posts
4.29.2007
2.18.2007
Letters From The Church of McGod - Info Pamphlet
Are you fed up with that old religion of yours? Are you currently unaffiliated? Are you okay with your faith but think your deity is dropping the ball? If you answered yes to any of these questions you may want to consider the Church of McGod. Don't let the name fool you, it's not a church or even a religion in the classical sense. We have found that churches and religions try and convert you or force you to believe through propaganda and fear, kind of like a terrorist cell or a presidential campaign. The Church of McGod is not one of these institutions. We have a saying; "No crusades, just cruising". If you like, you are welcome to come along for the ride.
Who is McGod?: You're probably asking yourself, who is this McGod anyway? If you're not you should be. McGod is actually not a she or a he or even a who for that matter. McGod is actually an idea. The idea is this: imagine the world were split in two (by a federally funded twenty foot high wall we'll say). All those who simply wanted to live peacefully, coexisting with others different from them on one side of the wall and all those who felt their religion and God(s) were the only true spiritual path on the other. Eventually, the "My God" side would dwindle down to one person as they would all kill each other (in God's name of course) until there was only one left standing. This would hold true even if a certain religion prevailed as people within that religion would eventually interpret the word of their lord differently and eventually smite each other down to the very last. Actually odds makers would tell you that nuclear weaponry would come in to play and the "My God" half of the Earth would be completely blown away leaving the peaceful folk spinning like a frisbee in space. In any case, the super religious folk screw everything up. McGod is the idea that this need not happen to be proven.
Do We Pray to McGod?: Oh heavens no. Remember that McGod is an idea and not some mythical figure that requires worship. Throughout history questioning a deity pretty much got you killed. The Church of McGod does not condone this behavior as we feel that you should be able to tell a supposed Messiah they messed up or that they down right suck. Here there is an understanding of fallibility and equality. Parishioners of the Church of McGod are no better than you and you are no better than anyone one else in the Church of McGod. We in the Church of McGod also do not mind prayer as we expect and accept that members bring with them a previous religious background or faith. Just know that if you pray to McGod there will be no answer. McGod can not take responsibility for any outcomes, positive or negative.
So why even have a McGod?: Ever believe in an idea so thoroughly it took on a life of it's own? Inventions, businesses, relationships, and even great parties all started out as an idea that people took to the next level. McGod itself is an idea and if you believe it is making you a better person than you develop a relationship with McGod. You can eventually truly love the idea. You can truly love McGod. As we know, true love is always a two way street, therefore despite being an idea McGod loves you too. How would an idea truly love you? You gave it a life of it's own....remember?
What about heaven and hell?: No way. We don't think life is lived simply to be rewarded or punished when it's over. The Church of McGod recognizes reincarnation as a possibility. This is because we can't yet answer the question of if you die and are buried and your decaying body fertilizes soil which in turn allows something to grow and growing is an action carried out by a living thing are you reborn as that living thing? Don't even get us started on the question of whether or not you become a part of the living thing that ate the living thing you became when you grew out of your own fertilized soil. "But what if you're cremated smarty pants"? Well did you know you can eat ash? That brings us right back to the helping something living live more problem. Believe us when we tell you we've thought about it....smarty pants. As far as life and death are concerned in the Church of McGod we simply think you should live your life because you have the opportunity and when you die you'll figure something out. If you are a poor representative you will not be damned to hell as we don't really feel there is one to damn you to. Instead you will be given your pink slip. That's right, the Church of McGod will fire you as you are no longer helping.
In truth we have no need for more members as we are not a conversion based faith, but we are more than happy to accept you in if you are interested. We do not discriminate on gender, age, race, previous or current religion, sexual orientation, or even if your friends think you're alright but sometimes you can be sort of a dick. If you have no faith or are struggling with your current sense of faith we might be worth checking out. Don't worry if you suffer from blind faith as we offer spiritual prescription lenses. Should you care to follow up or if you have any questions look for the Letters from the Church of McGod series as they will explain the idea further.
Simplify.
McGod bless you all.
Who is McGod?: You're probably asking yourself, who is this McGod anyway? If you're not you should be. McGod is actually not a she or a he or even a who for that matter. McGod is actually an idea. The idea is this: imagine the world were split in two (by a federally funded twenty foot high wall we'll say). All those who simply wanted to live peacefully, coexisting with others different from them on one side of the wall and all those who felt their religion and God(s) were the only true spiritual path on the other. Eventually, the "My God" side would dwindle down to one person as they would all kill each other (in God's name of course) until there was only one left standing. This would hold true even if a certain religion prevailed as people within that religion would eventually interpret the word of their lord differently and eventually smite each other down to the very last. Actually odds makers would tell you that nuclear weaponry would come in to play and the "My God" half of the Earth would be completely blown away leaving the peaceful folk spinning like a frisbee in space. In any case, the super religious folk screw everything up. McGod is the idea that this need not happen to be proven.
Do We Pray to McGod?: Oh heavens no. Remember that McGod is an idea and not some mythical figure that requires worship. Throughout history questioning a deity pretty much got you killed. The Church of McGod does not condone this behavior as we feel that you should be able to tell a supposed Messiah they messed up or that they down right suck. Here there is an understanding of fallibility and equality. Parishioners of the Church of McGod are no better than you and you are no better than anyone one else in the Church of McGod. We in the Church of McGod also do not mind prayer as we expect and accept that members bring with them a previous religious background or faith. Just know that if you pray to McGod there will be no answer. McGod can not take responsibility for any outcomes, positive or negative.
So why even have a McGod?: Ever believe in an idea so thoroughly it took on a life of it's own? Inventions, businesses, relationships, and even great parties all started out as an idea that people took to the next level. McGod itself is an idea and if you believe it is making you a better person than you develop a relationship with McGod. You can eventually truly love the idea. You can truly love McGod. As we know, true love is always a two way street, therefore despite being an idea McGod loves you too. How would an idea truly love you? You gave it a life of it's own....remember?
What about heaven and hell?: No way. We don't think life is lived simply to be rewarded or punished when it's over. The Church of McGod recognizes reincarnation as a possibility. This is because we can't yet answer the question of if you die and are buried and your decaying body fertilizes soil which in turn allows something to grow and growing is an action carried out by a living thing are you reborn as that living thing? Don't even get us started on the question of whether or not you become a part of the living thing that ate the living thing you became when you grew out of your own fertilized soil. "But what if you're cremated smarty pants"? Well did you know you can eat ash? That brings us right back to the helping something living live more problem. Believe us when we tell you we've thought about it....smarty pants. As far as life and death are concerned in the Church of McGod we simply think you should live your life because you have the opportunity and when you die you'll figure something out. If you are a poor representative you will not be damned to hell as we don't really feel there is one to damn you to. Instead you will be given your pink slip. That's right, the Church of McGod will fire you as you are no longer helping.
In truth we have no need for more members as we are not a conversion based faith, but we are more than happy to accept you in if you are interested. We do not discriminate on gender, age, race, previous or current religion, sexual orientation, or even if your friends think you're alright but sometimes you can be sort of a dick. If you have no faith or are struggling with your current sense of faith we might be worth checking out. Don't worry if you suffer from blind faith as we offer spiritual prescription lenses. Should you care to follow up or if you have any questions look for the Letters from the Church of McGod series as they will explain the idea further.
Simplify.
McGod bless you all.
2.08.2007
Dear Scientology
Dear Scientology,
Look, it's time to throw in the towel. Sure you suckered actors and other frauds with deep pockets to join your little brigade but it's over. We heard the news about you guys selecting Maverick as your spiritual leader. Seriously, Tom Cruise as a demigod? He's played a few good roles but as a demigod he is going to be the equivalent of his own on air freak out all over Oprah's couch. You want to know the truth, we here at the Church of McGod are happy about it. You have taken on the worst possible Christ figure imaginable and we wish you the best of luck. The odds of your "religion" surviving are about as good as the drummer from Def Leopard growing his arm back.
As long as we are all making big announcements we have one of our own. Just this morning McGod chose his own representation here on Earth. He has given the title of Grand Jeebus to one Colin O'Brien, a slightly overweight Irish kid in New Jersey that goes by "The Dude". There's your demigod Cruise! There's your New Jersey dogma story Kevin Smith! There's your lazy guy turned likable hero Cohen brothers! McGod has proven his wisdom with this selection and so it shall be written.
So why bother writing a letter to you if we're all set over here? Actually, we are very upset by your choice of Tom Cruise and wish you would reconsider for the following reason; we came up with a killer slogan and you blew it for us. You see, McGod would like people to know what he's about through jingles, catch phrases, maybe even a billboard or two. He gave to us the slogan of "No crusades, just cruising". Catchy isn't it? Well, you can see how you selecting Tom Cruise makes it seem as though we might be stealing this little nugget from you guys or at the very least trying to underhandedly capitalize on your famous sorta Christ as it pertains to rootless start-up religions. This couldn't be further from the truth. We are not here to steal or cheat or in any way stamp out lesser religions. We have faith that when the time is right you will simply get tired of kidding yourselves, put down your glasses of crazy fruit punch and hop out of that Wonkavision you've been stuck in. Our mission, as laid out by the one McGod, is not to convert people but simply to hope that some day everyone will get it.
Please consider changing your messiah so that we can use our kick ass slogan and not step on any toes. We promise not to make a fuss about anyone else you may choose regardless of their name as we will consider this a one time favor. Honestly, do you really mind? Your religion is going down the toilet anyway.
Sincerely,
Parishioners of the Church of McGod, Jameson Chapter
Look, it's time to throw in the towel. Sure you suckered actors and other frauds with deep pockets to join your little brigade but it's over. We heard the news about you guys selecting Maverick as your spiritual leader. Seriously, Tom Cruise as a demigod? He's played a few good roles but as a demigod he is going to be the equivalent of his own on air freak out all over Oprah's couch. You want to know the truth, we here at the Church of McGod are happy about it. You have taken on the worst possible Christ figure imaginable and we wish you the best of luck. The odds of your "religion" surviving are about as good as the drummer from Def Leopard growing his arm back.
As long as we are all making big announcements we have one of our own. Just this morning McGod chose his own representation here on Earth. He has given the title of Grand Jeebus to one Colin O'Brien, a slightly overweight Irish kid in New Jersey that goes by "The Dude". There's your demigod Cruise! There's your New Jersey dogma story Kevin Smith! There's your lazy guy turned likable hero Cohen brothers! McGod has proven his wisdom with this selection and so it shall be written.
So why bother writing a letter to you if we're all set over here? Actually, we are very upset by your choice of Tom Cruise and wish you would reconsider for the following reason; we came up with a killer slogan and you blew it for us. You see, McGod would like people to know what he's about through jingles, catch phrases, maybe even a billboard or two. He gave to us the slogan of "No crusades, just cruising". Catchy isn't it? Well, you can see how you selecting Tom Cruise makes it seem as though we might be stealing this little nugget from you guys or at the very least trying to underhandedly capitalize on your famous sorta Christ as it pertains to rootless start-up religions. This couldn't be further from the truth. We are not here to steal or cheat or in any way stamp out lesser religions. We have faith that when the time is right you will simply get tired of kidding yourselves, put down your glasses of crazy fruit punch and hop out of that Wonkavision you've been stuck in. Our mission, as laid out by the one McGod, is not to convert people but simply to hope that some day everyone will get it.
Please consider changing your messiah so that we can use our kick ass slogan and not step on any toes. We promise not to make a fuss about anyone else you may choose regardless of their name as we will consider this a one time favor. Honestly, do you really mind? Your religion is going down the toilet anyway.
Sincerely,
Parishioners of the Church of McGod, Jameson Chapter
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